


It's Not Time To Go Yet

by GenitalGrievous



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Daniel Translates, Dreams, Fellatio, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Jason Webley - Freeform, Kisses, M/M, Plot With Porn, Sad Daniel, offworld
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2018-01-21 04:23:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1537388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenitalGrievous/pseuds/GenitalGrievous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack's dreams keep Daniel awake offworld. Takes place somewhere around Season 5 or so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Time To Go Yet

Leaning against the cool stone pillar, Daniel looked across the expanse of jungle canopy stretching to the sunset. Another night on this world, another day of meaningless busy-work extending into what had already nearly become a week long stay. He struggled over the inscriptions on the pillar everyday, the first day he translated the first several lines of text, but after that his productivity hit a stand-still, some days translating a single character, some days two or three, today none at all. He was no closer to understanding the inscriptions, no closer to recognizing what people had lived on this jungle planet in the years past, whether they were human, whether they were native or alien. No closer to feeling like he could pull himself together and concentrate on finishing his work. The tops of the flora shone reds and oranges and yellows in the dying light, a hundred yards beneath the precipice he stood on, hundreds of miles past the horizon. Daniel sighed, a hitching exhausted sigh, and considered unloading a lantern and continuing translating, or calling it a night and returning to camp. Returning to the tent he shared with Jack for another night of silence and awkward shuffling. He hadn't been able to sleep through the night in months, but on this particular planet his insomnia seemed to have grown and become much more pronounced.  
Daniel closed his eyes and tightly pinched the bridge of his nose, massaging the indentations left by his glasses. As much as he knew trying to do more translations in his current state of mind would be fruitless, he knew that returning to base camp would be pointless as well. By the time the second moon had risen in the sky he would still be unable to sleep, unable to even find restful thoughts in the cool brightness of night on this planet. He ran his eyes along the cliff's edge, running north and south, sighed again, and picked up his pack and made his way North. Camp was towards the West, just beyond a close grouping of boulders and shrubs, out of view from the ancient pillar. He wouldn't be going too far from camp, Daniel mused. Just a quick walk to clear his head, possibly if he exhausted his body he would be able to fall into some semblance of sleep.  
He walked at a steady pace, trying to always keep at least four feet between his path and the precipice. On the plateau the flora was sparse, confined to small woody shrubs stretching around loose rocks on the dusty ground, their coniferous limbs twisted and curled as though they had spent hundreds of years in the hot shifting wind. Occasionally a slightly larger tree stretched beyond the cliff, always gnarled and twisted towards oblivion. Absentmindedly Daniel kicked a small stone so that it sailed several feet beyond the edge of the cliff. He watched it as it disappeared into the dark gloom towards the trees below.  
"What'd that rock do to you?" Daniel whirled around sharply as a twig snapped behind him.  
"Oh." Daniel drew his eyebrows close together, "It's you, Jack." He let the words hang between them awkwardly, as though the voice hadn't been an immediate tell, as though Jack wasn't the person he was expecting to have noticed that he was going walkabout.  
"You weren't at the big rock." Jack indicated a vague direction somewhere behind them. As Daniel realized the pillar was a barely visible speck in the distance, he wondered just how long he had been walking. The sun had completely set beyond the horizon, and the sky was filled with stars, though the second moon had not risen yet.  
"Oh." Daniel's voice sounded weak and tired in his own ears. "I just wanted to, um," He realized that he didn't really have a coherent reason to have gone off on his own without at least alerting the rest of SG-1. He swallowed, his voice still strained, "go for a walk."  
"Is everything okay?" Daniel couldn't decide if Jack sounded genuinely worried about Daniel's state of mind, or if it was meant as a meaningless platitude.  
Daniel rubbed his sweaty palm on his dust clogged BDUs. Even high above the jungle the plateau maintained high temperatures through the night, and he could feel the sticky sweat clinging to his skin all over his body. "Fine." Daniel replied, the shape of the word felt strange to his mouth.  
"Look," Jack's eyes strayed away from Daniel's towards the jungle, blanketed in darkness, "I know we've been here a long time already, and you and Carter are doing your things, and I don't pretend to know how hard what you do is or how much of it you have to do," Jack's words felt like they were flying at Daniel, overwhelming him with their speed and number after almost an entire day spent only to himself. He struggled to keep up with Jack's train of thought, feeling a bead of sweat running down his temple and dripping onto the black sleeveless shirt he wore. "But I'm not going to pretend I don't notice how little you're sleeping, how much you're working, and how spacey you've been getting the past couple days."  
Daniel hesitated. Jack hadn't asked him a direct question, and he was unsure of how to respond to the statement. It was completely factual, but he didn't ask for an explanation, or a solution, or anything that Daniel could offer.  
"I mean," Jack continued, reaching one had up to the back of his own neck and holding in there, "this planet is weird, and I can't blame you for not being able to sleep, I never imagined two moons would be this bright, it's like day sometimes even when I know it's the middle of the night, but I don't have to do as much work as you guys, Teal'c and I are basically just surplus muscle on this trip, and I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're working really hard, but maybe you should take a break here and there, don't drive yourself to..." Jack gesticulated vaguely again, this time in Daniel's direction.  
"To...?"  
"To wandering off at lights out with no indication of where you're going, what you're doing..." Jack met Daniel's gaze. Trying to be the CO, trying to be stern, but have a friendly undercurrent. The effect of the juxtaposition was awkward.  
"I just needed some air." Daniel said plainly, his voice betraying no sign of defensiveness. Carefully avoiding saying the simple 'I had to get away from you.'  
"Be that as it may, next time drop some words on the old walkie, maybe?" Jack's hair was mussed, the lighter hairs turned to a golden brown from all of the dust that clogged their campsite. He ran his hand through it, though it did little to change the borrowed colour.  
"Sure." Daniel said, feeling too exhausted to come up with more of a response.  
"You want an escort back to camp?"  
"No, I'm just--" Daniel could see Jack's mouth open with the beginning of a protest, "I'll be along in ten minutes or so. I just--I'll collect my thoughts."  
Jack closed his mouth and nodded quietly. "Ten minutes. If you don't come back by then I'm coming back with Teal'c."  
Daniel nodded, maintaining eye contact with Jack. Jack coughed once into his fist and turned and began walking back along the cliff towards camp. Daniel watched him until he was sure that was wasn't going to turn around immediately. He gingerly sat down on a small boulder and stared out into the starry darkness past the cliff, the light of the rising second moon beginning to change the top of the jungle canopy silvery. He figured he had at least an hour before Jack would send anyone back, he knew that he wouldn't hold to the timeframe they agreed, and he knew that Jack knew it as well. He sighed, feeling like the sound had build deep in his chest, feeling it hitch in his lungs. 

The first night here he had slept fine, he went to sleep with the rest of SG-1 and rose with the sun the next morning. That had been a somewhat productive day, and the heat hadn't begun to work sweat into his clothes the way it had by now.  
The second night Daniel woke up after only an hour or so of sleep to the sound of Jack talking. Laying on top of his sleeping bag, sticky all over with dust that had turned to a thin sheen of mud in his sweat he at first thought that he had imagined the sound. He hesitated, foggy sleep slowing evaporating from his consciousness as he woke his brain up. He listened carefully, his head feeling heavy with the desire to go back to sleep. After a minute or so he assumed he must have imagined the voice and closed his eyes, trying to will himself back to sleep. As he teetered on the cusp of sleep, he heard it again.  
"Hey."  
He opened his eyes, laying still.  
"Jack?" He whispered quietly.  
"Shhhhh shh shh no no no no no no shhhhhhhh."  
"Huh?" He wasn't certain if Jack had been talking to him for an extended period of time that he had been asleep.  
"Shhhhhhhh."  
Daniel sat up a little to look at Jack's face, half of it pressed tightly against his pillow, his eyes shut in deep sleep.  
"Don't fight." Daniel jumped, the sudden sentence waking him up fully.  
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhh." He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. There was no way Jack was having a dream about...?  
After the final hiss Jack quieted down to slow breathing for the rest of the night, and didn't speak again. Daniel leaned back and tried to sleep, but his heart was beating a marching tattoo against his chest that almost frightened him that the sound would wake Jack.  
The next day Jack maintained his normal demeanor, and Daniel convinced himself it had been a rare lapse. However that night he had trouble getting to sleep, even though he had spend the day putting in hour of work on the pillar, he still couldn't help but think about the night before. Wondering if he had imagined it.  
"Mmmmmmmmmm yeah." Jack had purred around an hour and a half after they had bedded down.  
Daniel froze, listening for any movement.  
"Mmmmmmmmmmmm." Jack turned his face deeper into his pillow, muffling his words.  
"You slut." Daniel could feel the blush creeping up in his cheeks, he shouldn't be privy to Jack's dreams, especially of this variety.  
Jack groaned and shifted slightly, turning in Daniel's direction. As he glanced over to make sure Jack was still asleep, he couldn't help but notice the distinct tent of an erection in his boxer shorts. Daniel quickly looked away and focused on ceiling of the tent, the moonlight seemed to even lend a silvery quality to everything inside of the tent.  
"It's your fault you make me want it."  
Daniel reached under his pillow with both arms and folded it around his head. He stayed that way for the rest of the night without sleep.  
Some nights Daniel was subjected to coherent words and sentences, other nights Jack just moaned, deep and throaty. The moans got to Daniel more than the words did, the rich sound of Jack in full arousal echoed through Daniel's ears, reverberating in his chest, tightening his gut, and goings straight to his balls. The first night that Jack moaned, moaning repeatedly, moaning long and so loud Daniel was sure the others must be able to hear it in their tents, Daniel spent the whole night with an erection that became almost too painful to cope with. He refused to touch it, refused to give in to any arousal gleaned from his CO in his intimate private dreams. But he could feel it, a rich delicious pain like nothing else he had ever felt.  
The night before, however, things had taken a turn that kept Daniel's mind off of his work today, and jumbled his thoughts into a mess even he couldn't sort through. He had settled down to his usual routine of laying on top of his sleeping bag in the sticky nighttime humidity for a sleepless night when Jack, who had already been asleep in the tent before Daniel arrive, began to moan. Each moan was supplemented with a series of gasps for air, as though Jack was straining to maintain control.  
"Mmmmggggrrrruuuuuuhhh huh huh huh good. So good."  
Daniel could feel the familiar blush heating his face up even more than the latent warmth of the sun long set, and could feel his cock begin to rise at the sound. "Your so fucking good Dannyyyyyyyyyyyyy."  
Daniel's muscles seized and his eyes opened wide. He had definitely just misheard that last bit. He was starting to give in to enjoying the sounds of Jack moaning, give in to the erection that while it went untouched, came with its own euphoria. He held completely still, worried that even the smallest shift would cause a sound that would overpower Jack's voice.  
"Ohhhhhhhh shhhhhhhh be good Danny."  
Daniel's throat constricted, his hard pounding clear into his throat, his mouth suddenly going dry.  
"Mmmmaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Hah. Huh. Huh. Huh. Good." Jack rolled onto his back, resuming his normal breathing. Daniel stared at the ceiling in shock, listing all the women's names that could possibly sound like Danny, but knowing that he was grasping at straws.  
He couldn't deny that he felt flattered, obviously he had been enjoying his second-hand incursion into Jack's dreams for the last few nights, but somehow hearing just moaning his own name in that gruff aroused voice had crossed a line Daniel had never imagined needed to be put down. He spend the rest of the night trying to sleep but knowing that he wasn't going to be able to close his eyes for five minutes, let alone anything resembling sleep.

Daniel nudged a small rock through the dust with the toe of his boot, watching the trail that it made like ripples behind a boat on calm water. He noticed his own deep footprints in the grit, running back along the cliff edge. That must be how Jack had found him, he mused, following the footsteps with his eyes until he noticed a figure about fifteen yards away in the gloom. It was unmistakably Jack, and he was unmistakably alone. Daniel knew that bringing Teal'c had been an empty threat, but he also had firmly believed Jack wouldn't actually come back to find him. He glanced at his watch and realized that he had been sitting on his rock for nearly forty-five minutes. At least some things never change he thought helplessly.  
As Jack got closer he raised his right hand in a silent greeting. Daniel responded in kind, his body feeling hollow. "Alright," Jack said as he sat down on a rock next to Daniel's. The difference in height between their two seats meant that Jack had to look up slightly at Daniel. "Something's not right here."  
Again Daniel found himself unable to formulate a response. Jack had hit the nail on the head, something was not right. But again he didn't ask for an explanation or a solution right away. He just watched Daniel, his brow slightly furrowed. His hair was a little bit cleaner than it had been earlier, and Daniel mused that he must have been late keeping his promise because he was washing it. Daniel nodded absently, avoiding eye contact with Jack.  
"What is it. I've never seen you go walkabout for no good reason, Danny."  
Daniel jumped a little at the familiar nickname. "I haven't been sleeping well, is all."  
"These warm nights are great on the old knees, I've been sleeping great. What do you think is causing it?" Daniel could feel genuine concern, and he wanted desperately to come up with a reason that wasn't Jack, but he came up to a blank wall.  
"Um." He studied his black boots, now brown with dust. "It's been noisy."  
"Noisy?" Jack looked around, "Like animals? I haven't heard anything, why didn't you warn us, they could be--"  
"No, I uh." Daniel floundered, "I mean, you, uh, you talk in your sleep."  
Jack smiled a lopsided grin. "Ha, yeah? What do I say, funny stuff?"  
"No, uh. You. Uh." Daniel gestured inconclusively with his hand.  
"Oh." Jack's eyes widened slightly.  
"Uh, yeah." Daniel could feel the blush creeping over his face.  
"Like--"  
"Yeah."  
"Oh."  
The two men sat in silence a moment, Daniel desperately avoiding eye contact, keeping his face pointed down to hide the creeping blush.  
"Like, what did I say?" Jack mumbled slightly, picking at a bit of dirt on the knee of his BDUs.  
"Um." Daniel swallowed. "I lot of uh, moaning, and uh." He trailed off, the tightness in his throat making forming the words hard.  
"Well, I didn't do anything really embarrassing, like say someone's name--"  
Daniel coughed, trying to clear his throat.  
"Oh?" Jack looked sideways at Daniel, who nodded tersely. "Oh. Well, who--"  
Daniel reached up and hugged himself around the middle with his arms in a classic "Daniel's upset" gesture. "Ohhhhh. Oh. Oh shit." Jack clenched his fists. "I--I mean."  
Daniel kept his eyes trained on the ground, not betraying any emotion.  
"It's--" Jack was grasping now, his tone turning frantic, "It's not like you tried to make me stop!"  
Daniel's jaw dropped. He looked down at Jack, his lips slightly parted to betray his shock. "What?"  
"You could have woken me up." Jack said slightly calmer.  
"And then what?" Daniel asked, a shrill edge to his voice. It wasn't like he hadn't thought about it countless times over the last week.  
"I--" Jack clearly hadn't gotten that far, either.  
"Oh hey Jack, you're moaning my name awfully seductively--" Daniel trailed off as he realized what he had said. He opened and closed his mouth a few times nervously.  
"Oh." Jack made a small barely audible sound of realization.  
"Oh." Daniel replied even quieter.  
Jack let the awkward silence wind between them. Daniel picked at an invisible piece of lint on his BDUs and squinted towards the distance, his nose wrinkling as a tiny chevron appeared between his eyebrows. Jack sighed, Daniel turned his gaze to the ground.  
"What do I say?" Jack said, his voice came out significantly calmer than he felt.  
Daniel looked away from him before turning back to make eye contact, his mouth closed in a thin line. In the gloom his striking blue eyes looked almost black behind his dusty glasses. "I'm gonna go back to camp." He stood and brushed off his pants lightly, Jack watching every tiny movement. Daniel could feel every muscle tensing, knowing that this was a turning point in his life. Telling Jack, walking away from this moment, he was effectively walking away from SG-1. Possibly all of the SGC, there was no way he'd ever be able to look Jack in the eye again, let alone work under his leadership. If Daniel really thought about it, it wasn't a fear of the military repercussions of homosexuality, it was a fear over losing yet another loved one in his life. It felt like he was losing everyone and he couldn't see a way to salvage his relationship with Jack. He closed his eyes and forced himself to walk past Jack, but as he passed Jack's arm shot out and he gripped Daniel at the wrist.  
Daniel froze, his arm tense.  
"Daniel." Jack pleaded. "Danny."  
Daniel swallowed the lump in his throat and turns his eyes upwards towards the stars. "Jack?"  
"Don't." Jack let the word stand alone. Don't go? Don't stay? Don't talk? Don't tell the others?  
"Don't?"  
"Just--" Jack tugged on Daniel's arm, throwing him off balance and pulling him down. "Don't take this the wrong way."  
The dusty ground was still warm from the long sunny day against Daniel's back, he could feel the warmth seeping through the short sleeved black shirt he wore. He tried to sit up but Jack's hand held him down on his shoulder. Jack covered his mouth with his, slipping his tongue past Daniel's lips that still formed the shocked "oh" he hadn't said as he fell. Jack's mouth tasted faintly of coffee, heavily of the fine dust they had been breathing in for days. Jack stopped kissing Daniel and watched his face intently, still holding him to the warm ground by his shoulder. Jack hadn't thought this through either, Daniel could tell by the wild look in his eyes. Daniel could feel an almost forgotten feeling welling up in his chest, stinging his eyes. Like watching Teal'c and his men take away Sha're on Abydos, like watching Skaara dissevered from the group, like his one line to reality and life was being forced away from him, like his heart was steeling itself to be broken. He was losing the most important person in his world all over again. "Jack." His voice sounded tight and hoarse. "Jack." He said again, testing his voice. Jack cradled his cheek in the hand that wasn't still holding him down. "I don't want to lose you."  
"Then don't." Jack's voice came out low and husky and he leaned down and kissed Daniel again, and Daniel could feel his cheeks wet with the tears that had been blurring his vision moments before. Daniel choked out a sob against Jack's lips and reached up to grasp his shoulders in both hands, not trying to deepen the kiss but to hang on to Jack, as though an invisible hand of fate would shoot from the sky and rend him from Daniel. "Danny." Jack looked back and forth between Daniel's eyes, his eyebrows drawn together tightly. "I didn't mean to."  
Didn't mean to what? Push him away? Pull him so close his bones felt like breaking and then slingshot him across the galaxy? Destroy him? "Jack." Daniel's voice was barely above a whimper. This was Jack, Jack who let him stay behind on Abydos when he was clearly unhappy about it, Jack who came back for him, Jack who stood beside him while he searched the whole galaxy for Sha're, Jack who stayed even when they both knew he would never get Sha're back, Jack who had saved him countless times, Jack who he had saved countless times, Jack who would never do anything to hurt him, not deliberately, but here he is, hurting him, tearing him to pieces because he can't bear to lose Jack but can't bear to stay not after this. But what would hurt more? Losing Jack forever, or staying, staying and trying to pull himself together, staying and trying to make something work out of this, even when thinking of Sha're still broke him to pieces all over again.  
"Danny." Jack replied, matching Daniel's volume. He leaned down for another kiss and Daniel met him, this time reaching into Jack's mouth with his tongue and tasting the dust and the coffee and a flavour that was male and musky and distinctly Jack. Jack's hair felt coarse between his fingers, still filthy with the dust of this planet, so unlike Sha're's. Rough fingers wiped the tears away from Daniel's cheeks, leaving brown muddy fingerprints where the dust mixed with saline. The pads of Jack's fingers gently scraped over Daniel's face, feeling his cheeks, his eyes, his nose, his ears, and settling along his jaw, tilting his face up to meet Jack's eyes. "You don't know how much--" Jack swallowed, his hands shaking slightly against Daniel's skin, "--I hate seeing your tears, I hate seeing you in pain, and that's the you that you always show me. The broken you, the damaged you--" Jack kissed along Daniel's jaw between his fingers, "--I don't know how to put you back together." Their lips met again, tongues touching, exploring, and Daniel willed his quivering chest to still, trying to calm the tightness. He palmed down Jack's sides, drawing him on top of Daniel, feeling the slight moistness of his sweat sticking his black shirt to his ribs.  
"Help me, then." Daniel begged, knowing that if anyone could figure out how to fix him it was Jack, Jack who knew everything, Jack who always came through in the end. Jack's hands left his face, smoothed down his chest leaving a wake of warmth, and found skin where his shirt had pulled out of his BDUs, touched lightly and tentatively and then purposefully, sliding underneath Daniel's shirt, up his ribs, and holding him there, and Daniel could feel the two hands like two anchors holding him to Jack, holding him to sanity, and something clicked somewhere, and Daniel felt safe, safer than he had in a long time, not happy, but safe. Jack was here, Jack wouldn't let him float away to that dark place, Jack would keep him rooted, Jack would keep him safe like he always did. And Daniel leaned up and their lips met again, and Daniel was hungry for the kisses, hungry for the flavour of Jack, and for the feeling of being rooted to him through his hands, and his mouth, and his legs intertwined with his own.  
Daniel's tears had stopped, and the tightness in his chest had loosened. He covered Jack's hands with his own, holding them to his sides, and became dimly aware of Jack's erection, pushing against his thigh demandingly. He tilted his head up into their kiss and Jack gently nibbled his lower lip, his dark brown eyes staring into Daniel's.  
"We shouldn't do this here." Jack whispered against Daniel's lips, and Daniel knew that he was right, that Teal'c or Sam could appear at any moment, but couldn't bear the idea of untwining their bodies, of leaving Jack's warmth for the cooling night air. Jack slowly, reluctantly, pulled his hands away from Daniel's and cupped his cheek in one hand to deepen their kiss. Daniel's lips felt cold when Jack pulled away, his whole body cooling as Jack stood up. Jack reached out a hand to Daniel and he took it, feeling Jack's muscular strength as he hoisted him back up onto his feet. He allowed himself to rise a little too fast, letting the momentum and trajectory push him into Jack's chest. Jack wrapped his arms around him and kissed him on the forehead, on the temple, on the lips chastely. Jack's had ran up and down Daniel's back gently, as though swirling ripples in a pool of water. "Come on," Jack ran his hands down Daniel's arms, gently brushing his fingers, and then letting go and stepping away. "Let's go back to camp."  
Daniel followed a few feet behind Jack the entire way back to camp. He watched Jack's hands swinging gently at his sides, wanted to touch the callouses, to smooth them over with his fingers, to hang onto them like a lifeline. He thought of Sha're, beautiful and alluring in the sunset of Abydos, her laugh, her eyes, the soft curve of her lips as she sounded out his name, "Dah ni ell." He thought of laying beside her on the grassy floor of a tent, reaching out to her face as it grew cold, her smiling at him as she died. It was Sha're, of course, who drew him back to the SGC when he resigned after her death, drew him back to the only thing besides her that could give him the will to do more than going through the motions of life. Though she only wanted him to find her son, of course. Of course. She couldn't have meant to draw him back for this. Everything about this, everything about how he felt right now was betraying her memory. He felt a tight pain twist in his chest, reached up to gently touch his sternum, as though he could draw the pain out with his fingers. Would Sha're want him to move on, would she want him to fill her place in his life with another person? Would it have changed her opinion for that person to be a man, to be Jack? Sha're had not been the first woman Daniel had slept with, but she had been the first woman he loved so wholly, and he had loved her completely from the moment he saw her for the first time on Abydos. As though with her gentle look across the crowd he had felt the tangled convoluted impossible red thread of destiny twining between them.  
He definitely hadn't felt the whisper of fate when he first met Jack. In fact he had nearly despised him from their first meeting, though he had to admit that their first time on Abydos, before he stayed behind, had been coloured with a bourgeoning friendship that he regretted abandoning. When Jack returned he had been glad, glad to see Tauri, glad to see a familiar face, glad that it was Jack. And travelling together with SG-1 he had felt their friendship blossom, there had never been another person who he had build so solid a friendship with, even Sha're with their single year living together on Abydos. Jack was, without a doubt, the most important living person in his life. And, if this was the next move in their relationship, was it fair to end it without at the very least giving this step a chance.  
"Oh good, you found him." Sam's voice broke Daniel out of his reverie, and he looked up at her sitting by the fire. "I was starting to get worried, I wanted to send Teal'c out to look for you two."  
"We were just chatting a bit, shootin the breeze." Jack grinned at Sam and looked back at Daniel, his eyes shining in the firelight.  
"Daniel, you look exhausted." Sam said matter-of-factly. Daniel felt exhausted, his lack of sleep was returning to him and sinking down to his bones. "Go on and go to sleep, Teal'c and I can handle the watch tonight."  
Daniel nodded mutely and bent to unzip their tent, the sleeping bags inside looking more comfortable than they ever had. He crawled on top of his sleeping bag, unzipping it as he heard Jack zip the tent closed behind him. He turned and met Jack's eyes, remembering how they sparkled at him with the reflection of Sam's fire. Jack nodded towards the sleeping bag, and motioned to be quiet with one finger to his lips. Without speaking Jack crouched behind Daniel and unzipped his sleeping back all the way, spreading it out on the floor of the tent, and then did the same with his own forming a blanket. Daniel could feel his slow blush creeping up on his face again, he watched Jack nervously, shyly. Jack shook his head and climbed between the two bags, laying on his back and beckoning Daniel under with his hand. As Daniel slid into the makeshift bed Jack reached out and drew Daniel towards him, nestling Daniel's head against his chest and wrapping his arm around Daniel's shoulder. Daniel exhaled softly as Jack reached over with his other hand and guided Daniel's hand onto his heart. Daniel could feel the strong beat beneath his palm, quick, excited. He leaned over and kissed Daniel on the forehead gently and closed his eyes, settling down for sleep.  
For the first time in several days Daniel sank into a comfortable dreamless sleep ensconced in Jack's warmth. When he woke up the sun had already illuminated the green walls of the tent and he was alone, having drifted over to where Jack had been sleeping before. He sat up and gently rubbed his eyes, finding his glasses sitting on top of his bag. He figured at some point Jack must have taken them off, maybe this morning before he left. He crawled to the door of the tent and opened it, letting the sunlight and fresh air wash in and remove the sweat stink of sleep that had filled the small space.  
"Good morning DanielJackson." Teal'c greeted him as he climbed out of the tent.  
"Where is everyone?" Daniel looked around, the only person visible in the campsite was Teal'c, standing near his tent.  
"MajorCarter is collecting samples to the South and ColonelO'Neill is taking rubbings of the pedestal you are working on." Teal'c replied.  
"Jack is--Jack is taking a rubbing of the pedestal?" Daniel asked incredulously, firmly believing he had misheard Teal'c.  
"Yes, we are due to return tomorrow however ColonelO'Neill suggested that you be allowed to sleep longer. He wanted to ensure that you would be able to complete your work."  
"Oh." Daniel said quietly, a warm feeling washing over his face. "I'll--I'll just go and check on him." Daniel hoisted his backpack containing all of his materials onto his back and nodded to Teal'c as he passed, who cocked one eyebrow and cocked his head slightly, the barest hint of a smile playing on his face.  
Daniel found Jack with his back leaned against the pedestal, the brim of his cap drawn low over his eyes, and large rubbings of the hieroglyphs scattered around the area held down from the wind by rocks. Daniel couldn't help but smile, he looked around and saw that neither Sam nor Teal'c where within view, and he approached Jack slowly, straining to stay quiet. "You woke up." Jack said slowly, without moving.  
"How could you tell it was me?" Daniel asked, studying the brim of Jack's hat for opacity. He stepped closer and crouched next to Jack.  
"Not here, Carter is nearby." Jack said quietly, his voice barely recognizable over the low sound of the wind. "I can hear you sniffling from twenty feet away." He added a little louder.  
Daniel smiled, despite the insult. "Well. Thanks. For--uh, for this." He gestured at the piles of rubbings.  
Jack lifted up the brim of his cap and met Daniel's eyes. "Someone's gotta make sure we get off of this rock on time." He winked, a good-natured wink. A 'I don't really mean it but I can't act any different in case Carter hears' kind of wink. Daniel smiled, his whole body felt lighter today and he couldn't tell if it was a result of the full night of sleep, or of Jack's casual smile as he stood and dusted off his BDUs. "Well, I'm gonna go check on Teal'c and let you get working." He smiled again, his eyes on Daniel's, and Daniel smiled back, and he could feel his smile clear up to his eyes, feel the warmth along his cheeks that he knew betrayed a creeping blush. He watched Jack saunter away until he was out of view, and then gathered up all of the rubbings into one uniform stack, organizing them into some semblance of order.  
He turned his attention to the pedestal and smiled, feeling refreshed and focused as he had on the first day on this planet. Pulling his small leather-bound journal out of his pack he quickly paged through his notes from previous days and cross references his notes with the pedestal itself.  
By the end of the day he had completed a monumental amount of work on the translation. He would still need to review Jack's rubbings back on base and double and triple check his translation, but he now could tell the gist of what the pedestal said, and it gave him a good idea of what it had been used for in the past. He heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Jack. He smiled and waved and Jack walked quicker towards him. "Well, any progress?"  
"Yes, actually." Daniel flipped to the most recent page of his journal. "I think at one time there was a bell, up--Up there." Daniel pointed to the top where an irregular shape jutted out. "And here--" Daniel indicated an indentation in the body of the pedestal, "--I think a striker might have been stored."  
"All this today?" Jack raised an eyebrow.  
"Well--Yeah." Daniel grinned. "I figured it out when I made progress on the translation."  
"So what does it say?"  
"It describes a bell."  
"Surprissse." Jack drawled.  
"It describes a bell--" Daniel repeated, "That was fired by the flames of humans' passion, and was cooled by breast milk. It says it pealed with the most beautiful sound imaginable."  
Jack raised an eyebrow. "Seems like it would. Have something to do with the Goa'uld?"  
"I don't think so," Daniel tilted his head slightly in thought and Jack became distracted in the contours of his neck, "Not directly anyway." Daniel licked the dust off of his lips. "It's a shame the bell isn't here."  
"Yeah." Jack glanced at the top of the pedestal and then back to Daniel.  
"Pealing sweetly." Daniel closed his eyes, trying to imagine the sound. He had the bell stand, and he had a legend about the origin of the bell, but he didn't have the use of the bell figured out. So high off of the forest floor with no other signs of civilization (besides the Stargate, of course). Daniel paused and wondered. Could the bell have something to do with the Stargate? He knew he didn't have enough time to finish the translation while still offworld, but he could likely piece it together from the rubbings Jack took, and if that was revealing then perhaps he could petition to be able to revisit this planet. He opened his eyes and looked at Jack. Jack was watching him carefully with a look that Daniel wasn't certain he had ever seen Jack sport. Part curiosity, part agreement, part--lust? Daniel blushed slightly.  
"Well," Jack looked up at the sky where the last vestiges of a red-orange sunset were fading to indigo. "It's getting dark."  
Daniel looked up, and turned looking off of the plateau to the jungle beneath. Jack stepped closer to him, and Daniel felt Jack's warm hand rest on the small of his back. Daniel leaned back into his touch, savouring the simple gesture. "Let's get back to camp." Jack said huskily. Daniel looked at the pedestal, and then back at Jack. He smiled, and gathered up his materials and stood, slowly, making eye contact with Jack. Jack smiled, a cocked half smile, and nodded. His brown eyes reflected the stars back at Daniel, with a burning lusty light added to them. Jack turned and walked towards camp, leading Daniel behind him. Daniel allowed his eyes to wander up and down the curves of Jack's body, the way his BDUs simultaneously hid and accentuated his ass, the way his slim muscular waist extended from the top, hugged tightly by his black t-shirt smeared with brown dust and dirt. Daniel's heart twisted, reminded him that he still loved Sha're, that he would always love Sha're, that this was Jack, Colonel Jack O'neill, his Commanding Officer, his boss, his best friend. And his heart calmed, and he couldn't help but realize that Jack was his best friend, and where better to seek comfort, where else to find safety and closure, than with his closest friend. Jack understood him, Jack understood his feelings, Jack understood everything and as he had last night, as he always had, Jack would keep him safe.  
As they walked into camp Teal'c looked up from his place where he was sitting by a crackling fire. "DanielJackson, ColonelO'neill."  
"Hey Teal'c." Jack raised his hand in an informal greeting.  
"Tonight you will take first watch, ColonelO'neill. I will take second, and MajorCarter and DanielJackson can sleep." Teal'c cocked his head at Daniel, and Daniel could feel the disappointment coming off of Jack in waves. Jack turned to him and shrugged slightly.  
"Let's get going then. You guys can hit the sack and I'll wake you when it's your turn, Teal'c."  
Teal'c raised his eyebrow in acknowledgment and climbed into his tent. Jack met Daniel's eyes and smiled. "See you in a few hours." He cocked his eyebrow, and Daniel felt his blush return.  
"I could stay up a bit, keep you company." Daniel shrugged the hand holding all of the rubbings. "I could do some work."  
"Daniel." Jack smiled. "Get some sleep, I'll be fine."  
Daniel smiled sheepishly nodded, unzipping their tent and turning to give Jack one last look as he settled down next to the fire, before climbing into the tent. Their sleeping bags were still spread out, tangled on the floor of the tent, and Daniel smiled to himself. He carefully placed his glasses on top of his backpack in the corner of the tent and stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt. The night hadn't cooled yet and the last remains of heat from the day made the tent humid. Daniel crawled under the sleeping bags, but quickly kicked one foot out from the side, attempting to regulate his body heat. He thought of Jack sitting alone for the night, listened to the crackle and pop of the logs burning in the fire, and slowly closed his eyes.  
A cool rush of nighttime air on his arms and face hit Daniel, chilling him immediately. He rolled into himself, groaning, attempting to salvage the warmth he had build up for himself between the two sleeping bags. Two. He opened his eyes and met Jack's as he crawled under the covers. "Jack." He said, his voice heady with sleep.  
"Shhh." Jack reached out and pulled Daniel against him, his arms cold from the night air, his shirt smelling of wood and smoke. Jack held Daniel against his chest, rubbing his hand up and down his back in long languid strokes. "Back to sleep."  
Daniel closed his eyes, breathing deeply into Jack's shirt, picking out the individual smells: the wood from the fire, the smoke, the earthy tang of coffee, and underneath it all the gentle musky smell of Jack. He inhaled, memorizing the smell, savouring it, grounding himself with it, and drifted back to sleep as his warmth spread to Jack's body.  
The next morning Daniel awoke in Jack's arms, twisting into the warm body, and wrapping his own arms around Jack's waist. Jack stirred slowly, shifting in Daniel's embrace. "Good morning to you too." He said softly, his voice deep and low against the top of Daniel's head.  
"What time are we due back?" Daniel asked groggily, running his hands down Jack's ribs.  
Jack disentangled himself from Daniel to look at his watch. "In about four hours." He sighed, giving Daniel's back a quick rub up and down. "We've gotta get packing, make sure we have everything we need."  
"Mmmmmm," Daniel groaned, trying to pull Jack closer.  
"Danny." Jack pressed a soft kiss to Daniel's temple. "What we found--here. This is only the beginning." His words were carefully veiled in case Carter or Teal'c overheard them nearby.  
Daniel flushed, all of his vocabularies in all of his languages failing him. He struggled for a sentence, something to express the complicated barrage of emotions he was feeling--fear, happiness, regret, safety, trepidation, and a feeling of longing, for Jack, for Sha're, for friendship and love and everything he had ever lost. Everyone he had ever lost. He wanted this, this feeling when Jack pulled him close, but he was frightened by it too--frightened by the idea that he could forget Sha're, frightened that someday he could forget this feeling--be forced to move on from this feeling with Jack, frightened that his friendship with Jack was changing, frightened by what it meant for their careers. But behind the fear was an all-encompassing awe and excitement for what was to come, for all the emotions to come--a bittersweet longing to feel love again knowing that it could bring pain along with it. Jack pulled away from Daniel and made to leave the tent, leaving him struggling with his language deficiencies. Jack unzipped the tent and climbed out, zipping it back up behind him.  
He reached over and grabbed his glasses from where he had left them, slipping them on, following by his BDUs. He massaged his nose underneath his glasses gently, quietly assessing his life up until this point.  
"Daniel?" He heard Carter's voice through the tent. "I'm packing up my samples, do you need any help?"  
"I--I don't think so." Daniel looked at the bag he had packed the night before. "I think I've just gotta pack up my tent."  
Daniel folded up Jack's sleeping bag first, and rolled it into a tight roll, followed by his own. Once he had removed the evidence of their newfound sleeping habit he unzipped the tent and set the two sleeping bags outside, followed by his backpack. He climbed out and broke down the tent with practiced ease, noticing that there was no sign of Jack around the campsite. He nodded to Teal'c who approached from the West and surveyed the campsite, checking to see if he had left anything unpacked, but finding that he had efficiently packed. "Hey Teal'c?"  
"Yes, DanielJackson?"  
"Where did Jack go?" Sam emerged from behind a nearby bush, a small bag clasped under her arm.  
"I think he went up to the pillar, he said he was making sure you got everything you needed." Sam answered for Teal'c.  
"Oh." Daniel furrowed his brow. "I'll just--uh, I'll go and check up on that."  
He walked away from the campsite towards the pillar, habitually dusting the front of his BDUs with his bare hands. It wasn't a long walk, and Daniel found Jack with his back against the pillar facing the wide expanse of jungle visible off of the edge of the plateau. He walked around the pillar and leaned up against it next to Jack, facing the same direction. "Sam said I'd find you here."  
"Yeah, I knew she would." Jack smiled a coy half-smile, just barely visible from Daniel's angle.  
"Mm." Daniel nodded and watched the Jungle, a long gust of wind blew the tops of the trees in a uniform green wave that spread from one side to the other.  
"Hey Danny, when we get back, I mean, to SGC--" Jack fidgeted his hands in his pockets, "I mean we have two days of leave and, I was thinking--I dunno."  
Daniel smiled, it was a relief to know that Jack wasn't totally certain what he was doing either. "Dinner?" He offered.  
"Yeah." Jack smiled. "Barbecue at my place?" He looked away from Daniel. "Or--well, if that's too--too--"  
"Barbecue sounds good." Daniel studied Jack's profile quietly for a moment before Jack turned his head to face him. They kissed slowly, Jack's hand creeping up to cup Daniel's cheek gently. Jack broke off the kiss and looked out across the jungle again.  
"I don't want to lose you either." Jack said quietly, in a matter-of-face voice. Daniel turned to reply but Jack had already stood up and was walking down the path back towards the Stargate. Daniel smiled. Jack was obtuse, crotchety, vulgar, and dismissive sometimes, but he could see the Jack underneath at rare moments: shy, overburdened, and ultimately loving. Daniel watched his silhouette grow smaller down the path until he pushed off from the pillar and made to follow him back to the campsite.

Back at the SGC all of the members initially visited the infirmary to run all of the standard tests, followed by a debriefing with General Hammond. Daniel discussed, in what he hoped was an eloquent manner, the pillar they had found, the idea of the bell, and what he had translated of the text but ultimately he could see that Hammond was uninterested. It was not a weapon, it was not a defense, it was just a pillar with a neat story that would do nothing to aid them in their fight against the Goa'uld. Daniel could tell it was unlikely that Hammond would send them back to the planet, even if he did need more information from the pillar. He had to hope that Jack's rubbings, his photographs, and all of the information and observations he had recorded in his journal would be enough to satisfy his archeological curiosity.  
After the debriefing Daniel rushed to his office and gathered up his laptop and a small sample of any work he could do during their leave. He was having dinner with Jack tomorrow night, and he figured even if he went to sleep early tonight, as he was planning, he could still get some work done in the meantime. He felt lighter than he had after going offworld in a long time. Normally he couldn't stop thinking about the monumental amount of work that would still face him, but today he felt calm, collected, if a little bit dirty and greasy from the week without a shower. He managed to avoid running into anyone from his office to his car, and he pulled out of the garage still smiling to himself.  
As he walked in the door of his apartment the first thing he did was set his laptop bag and briefcase on the couch. He unbuttoned his shirt slowly, the weariness of days without sleep followed by only two nights of a regular amount of sleep beginning to creep up on him. He toed off his shoes and walking into the bedroom, pulling off his shirt, followed by undershirt. He stood a moment, wavering on his feet and considered going straight to sleep, but willed himself to finish undressing and move to the bathroom, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor of his bedroom.  
He stood under the spray of shower water at first, closing his eyes and bringing his face close to the shower head, tilting his head so that the water could run over the top of his head, either side of his neck, down his back, leaving dark brown streams of water running down the drain. He shampooed his hair first, scrubbing the soap into his scalp, imagining all of the dust and the filth from being offworld washing down his body to the drain. And then imagining the traces of Jack's gentle touches, a palm on his cheek, fingers through his hair, Jack's lips brushing his temple just so gently also washing away. Daniel sighed. He had looked forward to a period of rest away from Jack, a period of time to consider the implications of their actions on P3X-268 and gather his wits, but he already missed Jack. It had been a long time since he had been in any sort of dating with separation, he and Sha're were married shortly after they met and nearly never separate until she was taken as a Goa'uld host. It was a long time since Daniel had missed someone, even while knowing exactly when he would see that person again. He had to admit he didn't normally form bonds like that with other people, and it unnerved him that he had formed such a bond with Jack.  
Daniel rinsed off and climbed out of the shower, drying his face and head on an old tan towel off the rack. He slipped his glasses back on and looked at himself in the mirror. Even after rinsing off all of the grime that had built up on his skin he was sporting a healthy tan, picked up from being offworld on such a sunny locale. His blue eyes stood out against his tan skin, and Daniel traced the lines of every scar he had picked up over his years with SG-1. He had been injured and healed more times than he could count, and sometimes his body seemed to show a record of his experiences, some of them his lowest of lows. His relatively hairless chest dipped into the beginning of a six-pack, though he rarely worked out deliberately, the physical labour of working with the SGC showed on his body, he had well-defined muscles all around. It wasn't the first time that he thought he was probably a fairly attractive man, though he was more often moored in a near-constant state of self-pity and self-hate.  
Having dried completely, Daniel left the bathroom and went to his bedroom, laying down on top of the comforter. His bed usually felt warm and enticing after having been offworld for an extended time, the comfort of sleeping on a mattress in a climate controlled apartment was usually not lost on him, but tonight he couldn't help but feel that the bed was too big and too cold. He took his glasses off again and placed them gently on the nightstand, kicking his legs under the down comforter and trying to find a comfortable position for sleep. He lay on his back for some time, staring up at the popcorn ceiling before he turned sharply to his right. Then his left. No matter which direction he looked in his apartment just didn't feel right, didn't feel like a home. After several hours of tossing and turning and never getting more than the shallowest moment of slumber, Daniel finally climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of pyjama pants, figuring that if he couldn't sleep he might as well get some work done. He had brought home all of the materials concerning the bell and wanted to try and uncover more of the legend surrounding it.  
Sitting on the couch he arranged all of his materials on the coffee table in front of him and opened his laptop. All of the photos that he had taken were arranged in a folder on his desktop and he opened it, scrolling through them. He began arranging Jack's rubbings on the floor, using the photos to arrange the papers so that it almost looked like one large rubbing of the whole pillar spread out on his living room floor. The papers told a story, that he couldn't doubt, not just instructions for the bell. Instructions buried in mythology. The language was archaic, but it was written with borrowed words and letters in a manner than Daniel hadn't actually come across before. He knew there must have been multiple groups of people brought to this planet, multiple ancient languages blending together into something almost impossible to recognize as having originated on earth.  
"A traveller, on the verge of death," Daniel mumbled aloud as he typed. Flipping through his journal quickly. An exhausted pilgrim, he decided he liked the word pilgrim more for this translation, since it appeared to be an almost religiously oriented traveller. The bell would ring when he can finally stop travelling, when his feet can finally rest. Daniel paused, is that a euphemism for death, he wondered. He moved to the end of the translation. "Not time to go yet." He said aloud softly. He paused, resting his hands on the side of his laptop. The bell rings, but for the pilgrim it's not time to go yet. It was an usual concept, by the translation so far Daniel was guessing that it was some sort of funerary bell, something to perhaps announce the deaths of prominent--villagers? With no other signs of civilization it was hard to guess who possibly could have been on the planet in the past to have their deaths announced. And yet in the legend attached to the bell the pilgrim hears its tolling and claims it's not time to go yet.  
Daniel related, he wasn't sure if he should, but he related to the myth. When Jack announced it was time to leave through the Stargate Daniel had wanted to cry, he wasn't done with the planet yet! When he had finally begun to unravel the mythos of the bell stand, when he had finally begun to unravel his own emotions, when he had finally begun to find his sanity for the first time in so, so long. When he had been able to sleep through an entire night, not plagued by nightmares or dreams of Sha're and Abydos, not smothered in fear and stress, and not forced to listen to the words of a sleep-talker. They had only just found their peace together, and then it had been time to leave. He knew he had been given a deadline, an absolute "by this day we're back to the SGC whether you have what you want or not," but he still had felt like clinging to the pillar, begging to have just a few more days to spend on the planet, translating and investigating by day and cradled in Jack's embrace by night.  
Daniel sighed and closed his laptop. He could tell that he was spiraling into a deep anxiety-driven mess again, and knew that he wouldn't be able to get any work done. He stood and walked to the kitchen, opening the refrigerator. A bottle of ketchup, a half-drunk bottle of water, a chinese to-go box that he didn't remember having, and a few limp carrots. He opened and closed the crisper a few times, as though hoping that the next time he opened it there would be something edible inside. He sighed again, and opened the cupboard next to the refrigerator. A can of diced tomatoes, half a box of bisquick, half a bag of sugar, and a lone package of instant ramen. He groaned and checked his watch, half past midnight. Several hours too late to go to the grocery store. After all of his years in the SGC he'd think that eventually he'd know to go by the store on the way home after a long mission, or at the very least stock up on non-perishable foods. He set his kettle to boil and took the bottle of water from the fridge.  
Wandering back into the living room, he took a sip from the bottle of water. It was cold, so cold it almost tasted sweet, and he felt his senses reawakening. He hadn't had cold water in over a week, it was a luxury he always took for granted until he was home after being offworld for an extended stay. He finished the water too quickly and stood holding the empty bottle, staring blankly at his closed laptop. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't work, he couldn't figure out what to do with the hours left in the night. He dreaded trying to go back to sleep, laying awake in bed and letting his anxiety and fears wash over him. The sound of the kettle's whistle snapped him out of his reverie, and he went back to the kitchen and picked up the kettle. He stood a moment, holding it by its plastic handle, barely feeling the burn from the steam that had condensed where his hand now was. He breathed deeply and poured the water into the pot noodle.  
He stood at the counter eating, and he supposed he should be thankful he at least had the pot noodles, but he never particularly liked the flavour of them to begin with, and with his mind still reeling from anxiety it tasted like nothing more than soggy cardboard to him. After having eaten about half he dropped his fork in the cup noisily and stepped away from the counter. He had tried to sleep, he had tried to work, and now he had tried to eat and nothing seemed worth doing to him. The more he thought about it the more he felt concerned that there was only one thing that could bring him peace of mind anymore, he had found it on P3X-268 and it was in a house just across town, probably asleep. Well, Daniel mused, if he wound up waking up Jack it wasn't like they had to be back at base early in the morning, they still had their two days of leave ahead of them. Even though they had arranged for dinner tomorrow night, that certainly didn't mean they couldn't see each other before then. Daniel walked to his bedroom in a daze and threw on a pair of clean chinos and a clean shirt and sweater. He slipped his shoes on where he had left them and grabbed his car keys off of the coffee table. He'd just--go see if Jack's lights were on, that was all. If the lights were out he'd come back home and face the night alone.  
And in the blink of an eye he was on the road, his car ice cold in the Colorado night air, his eyes felt bleary from lack of sleep, lack of food, lack of restiveness. The sky was covered with a layer of clouds that reflected the street lamps with an orange-blue glow, Daniel was disappointed that the moon wasn't visible, he needed to remind himself that there was only one moon tonight, that he was back on Earth, driving through Colorado Springs in the middle of the night like a zombie. He pulled up to Jack's house and parked on the street, worried that if he was asleep pulling into his driveway would wake him up, worried that waking him would make him irritable, and worried more than anything that he would face an angry Jack, a Jack who wouldn't comfort him, wouldn't smooth away his anxiety.  
He could see that the lights were on as he walked up to Jack's porch, listened carefully and could hear the soft murmur of a television through the door. He knocked lightly, avoiding making too much noise, avoiding the bell, avoiding anything that could irritate Jack. He heard footsteps and the door opened slowly, Jack's hair was a mess but it looked clean, he had at least gotten in a shower.  
"Daniel?" He said sleepily. Daniel couldn't tell if he had been asleep or not, "What's wrong?"  
"I--I just couldn't sleep." Daniel looked at his feet. Facing Jack on his porch Daniel suddenly felt silly, what kind of an adult man drove across town to his best friend's house in the middle of the night because he couldn't sleep?  
"Oh fer--Come on in." Jack stepped aside and held the door open. As Daniel walked inside Jack pulled him against his chest with one arm sharply, closing and locking the door with the other. Daniel breathed in the smell of Jack deeply, clean, freshly washed, on-Earth Jack. He laid his head against Jack's shoulder and felt suddenly tired, weak, warm, happy. "I couldn't sleep either." Jack mumbled into the nape of his neck, his breath moist against Daniel's skin. Daniel felt his knees go weak as Jack tilted his chin up with one hand and kissed him, his tongue probing into Daniel's mouth, inundating his taste buds with the flavour of warm mint toothpaste. Daniel's head filled with a pleasant buzzing sensation, like all his anxiety and trepidation had been replaced with mental white noise.  
"Jack," Daniel moaned softly, running his hands up Jack's chest and over his shoulders to cup his face in both hands.  
"Danny," Jack smiled against Daniel's lips, "How did we ever live without this."  
Daniel could remember of course, it hadn't been more than a couple Earth days since they had changed everything. Before that, for a year, he had been in a constant state of instability. Anxious, depressed, lethargic, barely getting the bare minimum of work done. He knew everyone let it slide after Sha're's death, knew that everyone's pity was what kept them from trying to talk to him about it, try to snap him out of it. It seemed justified to everyone that he should walk through life in a daze, even when he knew he just needed someone to help him. He wasn't certain if Jack realized that he was helping him, if Jack realized what this step meant for Daniel both in their relationship and in his life. For all he knew Jack had some pent up sexual frustrations and was seeking out a buddy-fuck through Daniel. But Jack was his best friend, Jack had to have noticed something.  
Jack began to lead Daniel towards the living room, towards his couch, his hands moving through Daniel's hair, down his back, along his arms, cupping his ass, their lips not parting, constantly sharing deep kisses. Jack sat on the couch and pulled Daniel on top of him, straddling his legs and pushing their cocks together against their pants. Daniel was already half-hard, though it was weird for him to acknowledge that his best friend could arouse him so much so fast. Jack ground up against Daniel and Daniel could feel that he was mostly hard as well, their cock's straining against their pants. Jack groaned, planting wet open mouth kisses along Daniel's jugular, sending sparks of electricity through his whole body that collected in his balls.  
Unbuttoning Daniel's shirt slowly, Jack kissed up Daniel's neck and took his earlobe between his teeth, biting it gently, then ran his tongue along the auricle of his ear, planting a kiss on his temple as his fingers brushed Daniel's nipples, lightly at first, and then demanding and pinching. Daniel moaned, thrusting his hips against Jack's, as he pulled Jack's t-shirt over his head, desperately wanting to feel skin on skin. Daniel had seen Jack's body a thousand times, had touched his shoulders and dressed his wounds, but he had never imagined his body in this context, hairy chest rising and falling with each heavy breath, muscular arms teasing, massaging, feeling Daniel all over until he was dizzy with arousal. Daniel kissed Jack's neck, bit his shoulder leaving a slight red mark, and gripped his back, pulling their still clothed cocks against each other, reminding himself only at the last minute not to leave marks, not to leave anything that could be construed as evidence later on.  
Jack grabbed Daniel's ass firmly, turning him and laying him down on the couch, barely breaking contact with his body. Kissing his way down Daniel's chest, stopping to gently bite each nipple, circling the aureola with his tongue before kissing down Daniel's stomach, stopping at the waistband of his chinos, leaving Daniel's mind in complete chaos as he unbuttoned, unzipped, and pulled them below his ass with his boxers, freeing his now completely hard cock. Daniel gasped and ran his fingers into Jack's hair as he took the head in his mouth, circling it with his tongue, probing the slit, tasting Daniel's precum, before licking up the shaft, cupping his balls in his hand. Daniel threw his head back, willing himself not to thrust, worried that he could somehow hurt Jack. "Jack--Oh my god!" Daniel practically screamed as Jack took his whole cock in his mouth, working his tongue along the underside and sucking, his head bobbing up and down with Daniel's fingers still entwined in his hair. "I'm--I'm gonna--" Daniel's words left him as he came in a barrage of colours and emotions into Jack's mouth, guilt, love, fear, happiness. Jack kept sucking, lifting his head up gradually until he had swallowed everything. He looked up at Daniel smiling, and Daniel guided Jack up into a ravaging kiss, tasting his own salty flavour on Jack's lips and mouth, feeling aroused all over again at the sensation.  
Daniel pushed up, leading Jack into a sitting position and then pushed him onto his back on the couch, fumbling with the closure on his jeans until Jack, chuckling, reached down and undid them so that Daniel could pull them down. He pulled Jack's jeans all the way off along with his briefs and stood briefly, dropping his chinos to the ground. Jack's cock stood rigid surrounded a crown of dark pubic hair, dripping precum down the shaft. Daniel looked up to Jack's face, his eyes half-lidded in arousal, cheeks flushed, mouth slightly open as his chest rose and fell with each breath. Daniel had never felt more aroused by the sight of a lover.  
He cupped Jack's balls experimentally, running his thumb over his scrotum gently while watching Jack's expression. His mouth opened slightly more and he thrust his hips up towards Daniel, who could take a hint. He had never sucked another man off before, but he had felt enough girls do it to himself that he could make an educated attempt at it. He smiled at Jack and leaned down, gently touching his tongue to the base of the underside and licking upwards, along the clear stream of precum that shone on his shaft, tasting Jack's unique flavour--salty, musky, sweaty, Jack. He took the tip between his lips, dipping his tongue into the slit as Jack had done for him, licking out every trace of precum before sucking down onto the whole head, circling his tongue around it gently. His glasses began to fog so he took them off and absently tossed them onto the coffee table. He took more of Jack's prick in his mouth, slowly, sucking strongly, and working his tongue along the underside, mimicking Jack's techniques as much as possible. Jack ran his fingers through Daniel's hair, his rough thumbs gently brushing Daniel's temples as he slowly thrust up into Daniel's mouth. "Danny," he groaned, his voice hoarse, "Here it comes." And he came into Daniel's mouth, thick and salty, and not nearly as bad tasting as Daniel had prepared himself for. Daniel swallowed around Jack's cock, sucking up to make sure that he didn't leave any ejaculate residue, and planted a kiss on the tip of Jack's softening dick.  
He looked up at Jack's face, his anxiety slowly returning as he studied Jack's expression for disapproval. But he saw nothing but admiration on Jack's still ruddy face. Jack smiled, his mouth still slightly open, and drew Daniel's head closer. "Danny," He whispered softly, before bringing him into a pressing kiss. Daniel could still taste his own cum on Jack's tongue, and wondered if Jack could taste his own too. Daniel broke the kiss, breathing deeply, still recovering from his first attempt at fellatio. He looked into Jack's dark brown eyes, and felt his weariness suddenly returning. Gently he laid his head on Jack's shoulder, absently twirling his hand in his dark chest hair. Daniel glanced at his watch: 2:37.  
Jack ran his hand through Daniel's hair at the nape of his neck. "Bed?"  
"Bed." Daniel replied, smiling against Jack's chest.  
Daniel carefully climbed off Jack and held out a hand to help him off the couch. His whole body felt like rubber, his head felt full of cotton, and he made a feeble attempt to suppress a yawn. Jack hugged him around the shoulders, drawing their bodies close, and kissing him on the temple. It seemed to be Jack's favourite spot to kiss, and Daniel couldn't deny liking the gentle touch of Jack's lips there. Jack took Daniel's hand in his and led him down the hall and into his bedroom. It was Daniel's first time seeing the room, and he studied it quickly, as though taking in his first impression of an archeological site. Jack's queen size bed was in the middle of the room, two pillows arranged in the center on top of each other, the blankets pulled back as though Jack had been trying to sleep in the bed earlier. There was a hamper in the corner next to his closed closet and a door on the other side that seemed to lead to a bathroom.  
Jack pulled Daniel towards the bed without speaking, and drew the covers back, leading Daniel into the bed with him. He arranged the two pillows side by side and kissed Daniel gently, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a gentle embrace. Daniel touched his forehead to Jack's chest and felt his breathing slow, his eyelids growing heavy. "Goodnight Danny," he heard Jack whisper as he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep.  
His dreams were a convoluted mess of images and sensations, making love to Sha're late on his first night on Abydos with only a flimsy curtain of fabric separating them from Skaara and his friends, Sha're's small child-like hand taking his own as he kissed her deeply, her shy face, the feeling of her soft skin, hearing her say repeatedly, just below a whisper, "Dah-ni-ell, Dah-ni-ell, Dah-ni-ell," Jack getting a dishonourable discharge from the Air Force, Sha're's long curling hair in his hands, Jack's forced early retirement, Sha're's wide eyes and tiny gasp as he penetrated her for the first time, SG-1 without Jack, "Dah-ni-ell, Dah-ni-ell, Dah-ni-ell, Dahniell, Daniel, Daniel, Daniel--"  
Daniel's eyes fluttered open, he was in Jack's bed, pressed against Jack's warm naked body, and Jack was gently smoothing his hair back, rubbing his shoulder, thumbing over his cheek bones, "Daniel, it's alright, it's okay, everything's fine." Daniel reached out with his arms and pulled himself into Jack, pulling Jack into a tight embrace. "It was just a dream," Jack kissed Daniel on the temple, "It's okay, you can go back to sleep."  
Well, it wasn't actually okay, Daniel considered, but he accepted the platitude and succumbed again to sleep, warm and safe in Jack's arms for now. Just before he dropped completely to slumber he wondered if he had somehow only traded one source of anxiety and stress for another.

When Daniel woke up again he was alone, but the space next to him in the bed still held the small vestiges of warmth. He could hear a shower running and saw a soft stream of light from the bathroom door, which was ajar by a few inches. The blinds were down over the windows, but there was a soft grey-blue light illuminating them, betraying the morning. Daniel had managed to sleep most of the night undisturbed by his dreams, and he felt almost as refreshed as he had on P3X-268. The shower stopped and Jack's head, still dripping water, fuzzed hint of a dark beard, peeked through the crack into the room. His face softened when he saw Daniel, sitting up and facing him from the bed.  
"Good morning Sunshine." He smiled, and Daniel could feel his heart beating steadily against his ribs, "I'm almost done in here, then I'll make us some coffee if you want to grab a shower."  
"That would be nice." Daniel managed, and Jack's head disappeared back into the bathroom. Daniel could hear the sink running and the soft sound of an electric razor. Daniel burrowed into the blankets, smelling a unique blend of smells, Jack's sweat and musk, his own scent, a quick burst of aftershave from the bathroom, Daniel smiled against the blanket, his eyes shut. He could feel an elation welling up that he hadn't felt in many years, a joy that almost turned his body numb, that evaporated any sense that he had that he could possibly have anything to be discontent with.  
"You woke up happy." Jack chuckled and mussed Daniel's hair with his hand. The face Jack was making was a mix of affection and trepidation. Daniel fuzzily remembered being woken up by Jack in the middle of the night, held in strong arms, told he had been having a nightmare. He felt an embarrassed blush rise up along his cheekbones. "Shower's ready," Jack ignored Daniel's reaction, seemed to decide not to address the nightmare, and instead kissed Daniel on the forehead, "I'll be in the kitchen."  
Jack grabbed a pair of boxers from his dresser and slipped them on, giving Daniel one last smile before leaving the room. Daniel had never seen Jack smile so often in all his years of knowing him. Privately Daniel succumbed to the supposition that it might just be the sexual gratification making Jack so happy, and not Daniel himself. Daniel sighed audibly and climbed out of the bed. It would be distinctly un-Jack to squander everything he had earned in his life to this point, all of the things he had done, for mere sexual gratification. But Daniel couldn't help feeling inadequate.  
Jack's bathroom was neatly laid out, a folded towel was sitting on the edge of the counter waiting for Daniel. Jack's razor was sitting on the opposite side of the counter with half of a two-pack of toothbrushes still in the packaging. The shower was clean, and the water was hot, Daniel had forgotten how hot water could get, the water heater in his apartment was old and badly in need of replacement. There was a bar of soap and a new dry washcloth on the edge of the tub, Jack had carefully laid out everything Daniel could possibly need for his morning routine, and Daniel was once again feeling trepidation. What if Jack had only laid out everything so that Daniel would not bother him further this morning? Daniel pushed the thought to the back of his head as he used Jack's shampoo, feeling a smell that he had thought of as distinctly Jack coalesce around him in the humidity of the bathroom. Jack's shampoo, Jack's soap, smells that were part of a distinct package of Jack-smells.  
The towel Jack had laid out was soft and clean, and Daniel was a little surprised. Jack had gained the reputation of being disorganized and slovenly, but from what he was seeing everything in his home was actually fairly meticulous when he looked closely at it. Soaping up his chest with the clean washcloth, Daniel considered that Jack had hidden a lot from people, even the people closest to him. It was no secret among SG-1 that Jack was considerably more intelligent that he let on, but Daniel hadn't fully realized the depth of Jack's deceptions. Intelligent, clean, considerate. What else had Jack concealed from the world, and when did it start? Daniel had always assumed that Jack's personal reinvention had begun when Charlie had died, or even possibly after Sarah had left him, but he reflected that the real Jack had possibly been hidden away for much longer, or at least part of Jack had been. And, all things considered, Daniel wasn't exactly honest with the world either. He had learned a long time ago to build up a wall around himself, always struggling to appear to be collected, knowing that his world had fallen all around him dozens of times before, and always assuming that his life and everything about it would crumble again and again. Jack had seen through him, where no one else had seen fully the burdens that he carried day to day, Jack had peeled away all of the layers somehow, that night on P3X-268, with vagaries and one-word sentences, he had bored his way to the weaker, frail Daniel in his core.  
Daniel stepped out of the shower, tendrils of warm steam rising from his skin in the cool bathroom air. He dried his body, top down, and felt his usual trepidation welling up at the thought of speaking with Jack. Would their communications be trivial in nature, or of a more transformative variety? Daniel brushed his teeth with the new toothbrush, and wrapped the damp towel around his waist, realizing at the last moment that his clothes were likely scattered around Jack's living room. Tentatively he peeked his head into the bedroom and saw that while he was showering Jack had left a pair of sweat pants and a white t-shirt neatly folded on the foot of the bed. Though they were clearly laundered the clothes harbored the same mix of smells that Daniel associated with Jack, and he felt himself wreathed in the scents as he pulled them on.  
Outside of the bedroom he could smell coffee, good coffee, not the instant coffee that they carried offworld. Daniel could feel his stomach rumble with anticipation, he hadn't had a cup of real, fresh brewed coffee in over a week. Jack was leaned against the kitchen counter, mug in hand, staring out the window. Daniel paused in the kitchen doorway and studied Jack in profile. He was frowning in deep contemplation, his unmoving eyes focused at horizon level. Hesitantly, Daniel padded into the kitchen, the vinyl flooring cold on his bare feet. Jack looked over, meeting Daniel's eyes. "Hey." He said softly, face stoic. He turned, slowly, picking up Daniel's glasses off of the counter. Daniel stepped towards him, throat constricting. "You left your glasses on the coffee table." The corner of Jack's mouth twitched, a half-thought smile. He unfolded the earpieces and gently slid the glasses onto Daniel's face, skating his hands down his face to cup his cheek and jaw lightly. Cautiously, Jack drew Daniel into a kiss, just a ghost of their lips touching. "I like your glasses on you." Jack smiled wanly, his voice a little hoarse.  
"Thanks." Daniel managed, his head felt full of cotton.  
Trailing his hands down Daniel's neck, shoulders, arms, stopping to hold his hands. Their eyes locked and Daniel could feel his heart thumping against his chest. After all of the trepidation of this morning it felt surreal to be standing barefoot in Jack's kitchen, hand-in-hand, as though there was nothing that could cause worry between the two of them. He could see something in Jack's face, he couldn't be certain as yet, but it didn't look like the expression of a man greeting a one night stand in his kitchen. "Well," Jack smiled sheepishly, "Coffee?"  
"Yeah." Daniel felt the awkwardness of separating from Jack as he moved back to pour coffee into a mug that was sitting on the counter ready. "Smells--good." He said more to fill the silence than to express the simple fact that, yes, coffee always smells good. Even heating up their instant shit over a campfire smelled good.  
Jack handed the mug to Daniel black, knowing without having to ask how he took his coffee after sharing coffee so many times in the past five years. "It's uh, Sulawesi I think. Maybe Sumatra. I can't remember, they were out of Yemeni and that's--what uh, I usually buy." Their conversation felt forced.  
"Mm. I haven't had a lot of Indonesian coffees." Daniel sipped, it was good. He had a favourite local cafe that sold mostly Latin American coffees, and the dark herbal flavour of the Asian coffee was unusual on his palette, but good. He smiled into the cup.  
Looking satisfied, Jack reached out to Daniel and gently took the mug from his hands, setting it onto the counter. With downtempo movements Jack pulled Daniel against him and into another kiss, sharing the flavour of the coffee. There was an undercurrent of emotion behind Jack's embrace, Daniel could feel it in his posture, his grip, his face. It was the embrace of a man terrified that something was about to be taken away from him, Daniel could recognize the gesture from his own life, he had embraced people many times in the same way. Tomorrow we could be dead, tomorrow you could leave me, tomorrow, any second, you could realize how stupid we're behaving, how unstable the ground we're treading on really is, and you'll stop this. The unadulterated terror that Jack was feeling was the same that Daniel felt. And they had to address it. Letting it fester was the worst decision they could make, and if they both knew that they were blundering ahead into hostile territory, they needed to at least talk it out. But Daniel shared Jack's obvious reluctance.  
"Jack--" Daniel tried, pulling away.  
"No." Jack pulled him tighter, "It doesn't matter."  
"Jack it does." Daniel exhaled sharply as Jack ghosted kisses along his jugular, "Jack, I can't handle losing you."  
"You won't."  
"Jack--"  
"Danny." Jack leaned back, holding Daniel at arms' length, just enough to look into his eyes. "You're not going to lose me."  
"But--"  
" _Because_ I won't lose _you_ , Danny."  
"Oh."  
"Is this dangerous? Sure. What we do is dangerous, every single day, but we still do it and I don't see why this has to be different." Jack's fingertips skated up Daniel's ribs softly.  
Warmth flooded Daniel's cheeks, he felt fulfilled after this morning's introspection, but he couldn't give in just yet. "Jack this is your career on the line, if someone found out--"  
"I'd retire. I've done it before, I'll do it again."  
"But you'd--you'd never go through the Stargate again. Could you really give that up?"  
"So long as I get to hang on to my archeologist." Jack smiled wryly. "Danny, no one is going to find out, and if they did--if Sam or Teal'c or Janet or Hammond--Do you think they'd really care?"  
Daniel couldn't really see the people he had grown to trust with his life, with his team's lives, report them for something as trivial as a relationship. "Jack." Daniel managed, his chest felt constricted again, like his emotions were holding his lungs in a vice-grip, he felt like he was about to hyperventilate. He tried breathing slowly.  
"Danny." Jack said quietly, concerned.  
"I'm--I'm not really--used--to getting what I want." Daniel said truthfully, his voice breathy with the edge of near asphyxiation.  
"I've had everything I love taken from me, and so have you." Jack held Daniel by the shoulders firmly, to drive his point home, "I know what's it's like, but after all these years I finally have what I want, and I'm going to make sure you always do too."  
Jack kissed Daniel, soft, then hard, then softly, the mouths melting together until Daniel forgot everything except for the sensation of being kissed and held against a warm muscular body. Again he remembered the story of the pilgrim he had been translating. While he had once again been succumbing to his insecurities and anxieties this morning, he had been ignoring everything that his instincts were telling him. _When I hear those bells I just feign sleeping because it's not time to go yet._ Today however, for the first time in his life, Daniel felt like it was actually time to go. Not to a place, but to an emotional state of being, he had ignored his own feelings and desires his entire life, but today he was being given the gift of fulfillment. Maybe the story on the post had been about death, maybe it had been about desire, maybe Daniel would never actually get to learn the real truth about the bell.  
"Danny." Jack called him back to the present, running a hand down the back of his head, through his hair, "Let's go back to bed."  
Today it was time to go.

**Author's Note:**

> The poem on the bell is shamelessly stolen from a Jason Webley song, which offered a lot of inspiration when I was writing this story.
> 
> It's Not Time to Go Yet (c. 2003, Jason Webley)
> 
> I've often seen a man,  
> Yardstick and clock face instead of hands.  
> He has measured pain and pleasure both to death.  
> I've felt the kiss,  
> Of his narcotic lips,  
> He has probed in the folds beneath my dress.  
> I watch my feelings,  
> Fade way revealing,  
> A cold pathway to a bridal bed,  
> But when he lays me down  
> I just feign sleeping,  
> Cause it's not time to go yet.  
> No it's not time to go yet.
> 
> There's cancer in the air,  
> Think I've never been so scared,  
> Of the cold metal numbness in my chest,  
> Don't go to sleep,  
> Stay beside me while I weep,  
> Or I don't think I'll make it through this test.  
> If you still see me,  
> Please don't leave me,  
> Alone with the devils in my head.  
> Push, stretch,  
> This night into morning,  
> 'Cause it's not time to go yet,  
> No it's not time to go yet.
> 
> The worn out pilgrim tells,  
> Of the forging of great bells,  
> That shall sound when his feet can finally rest.  
> Cast in the fire,  
> That has burnt through all desire,  
> And cooled by the milk of mother's breast.  
> They ring sweetly,  
> Promising me,  
> Release from the labor of this breath.  
> But when I hear those bells,  
> I just feign sleeping,  
> 'Cause it's not time to go yet.  
> No it's not time to go yet.


End file.
